Thursday, September 15, 2011

Crash Worship - What So Ever Thy Hand Findeth, Do It With All Thine Might 12"

Look, I'm no hippie sympathizer......I'm not talking about the yer average cheeb smoker with long hair and a beard. Nope, I speak of the tie-dye wearin', liberal cause havin',outdoor festival attendin', hackysackin', patchouli stinkin', drum circle jammin', freak variety......Just thinking of these peace loving "free spirits" makes me wanna shoot up goddamn Coachella or fucking Bonnaroo fests. Fucking Hippies........

"Jesus Surly, where ya going with this" you ask? Well this record I'm posting has a little to do with the rant above. You see, this slab of wax has its roots in some kinda that hippie culture bullshit. But, after one too many bad trips and the realization that the peacenik act was pretty vapid and could only score you so much free love with the little flower chicks, something went wrong.......horribly wrong. What started out as "free and loving" turned into a dark sound track for the Bacchanalian orgies that occur right after the High Priests chant and satanic rituals have been performed.

"Initially starting as a studio project, Crash Worship soon learned the power of a live audience. During performances, the band's members (or often provocateurs) would manipulate the crowd, involving them more deeply into the show, ultimately eliminating any boundaries between spectator and performer. The musicians would also mobilize their instruments on and off the stage into the middle of the audience (or outside), lighting explosives and hosing down the crowd with various liquids, including piss and blood and creating an atmosphere of celebratory abandon and mirth. Epileptic strobing lights, nudity, mysterious liquids, sex and smoke filled rooms (at next to zero visibility) were all a part of the average show.The chaos of these events often invited unwanted attention from cops who would later forcibly shut down most if not all of their show". Yeah, thanks interweb......

Got to see em' live twice and by fucking god, they lived up to the above hype. Loud, pounding and DANGEROUS might be a few words to describe what I witnessed on those occasions. Mind you, I may be a bit biased, as I was cruising the atmosphere on a fistful of mushrooms each time. Never have I been to a show that scared me more than just a little (King Diamond not withstanding) These events in question involved thick, almost choking smoke from various combustibles including shellacked wood, plastic baby dolls, clothing and various furniture. At its pinnacle, it was like swimming in vaseline. Where there's smoke there's fire they say and these shows had it in spades. Fire in corners, fire on the ends of swinging staffs the "band" wielded, in multiple containers, people lighting stuff, including fireworks, it was just everywhere. At one point, when the fire fog dissipated, I was hypnotized by watching this ugly hippie goddess with the most amazing Waylon Jennings (tits) dancing. As I gawked, for what seemed like an eternity, my trance came to an abrupt halt by a 2 ft. fireball sailing about an inch past my face. It seems some overzealous reveler decided it was a good idea to kick small metal garbage can filled with fire. Fuck, in my heightened state of conscience, I couldn't help spending the rest of that show imagining I might be on fire and looking and patting myself down. Add to all that, ear-splitting volumes and band members, running around with partial (and very portable) drum sets inciting the willing audience into a sheer mouth foaming frenzy. Look, I've been to a shitload of shows in Cleveland, but the Crash Worship shows I saw made that place and its antics look like a fucking catechism class in Sunday school.

So ummmm....This record is a far cry from the live shows I saw. Not because it doesn't accurately showcase the bands vibe (or sound), but because the vibe WAS its live show and can't be duplicated by listening to mp3s on your stupid Ipod. You want the full (i.e. closest) experience to Crash Worships live show? Take these mp3s and burn them on a cd. Then, borrow your little sister's boombox that she inherited from your Dad and take it into the bathroom. It may help if you huff some spray paint or glue at this point. Turn all the lights off and light two gasoline soaked bath towels on fire. Flame up a pile of your old G.I. Joes and let em' get good and smoky. Push play on the boombox and turn that fucker all the way up. With one hand, swing both flaming towels above your head and with the other hand flick the light switch on and off. Repeat, repeat, repeat......... This will probably give you a ball park idea of what this bands VIBE was......


1 comment:

Wink Junior said...

I got to see them a couple dozen times, in part following them around the U.S. back in 1994 as a "Crashhead." Well written and does a good job of describing their shows, which started and went late, with horrid opening band, while I gobbled 'shrooms and mota and beer if it was available. Sad they're gone and nobody has stepped up to the plate. RIP Crash ADRV.